It's Valentine's day! Where are the heart-shaped pancakes? Where are the flowers? Where's the card covered in little hearts? Where's the dinner reservation where we sit awkwardly in a restaurant full of couples. GIVE ME MY PRESENTS.
If you're as unromantic as me then Valentine's day may consist of remembering it halfway through the day when you open up Facebook, seeing everyone else's photos, then quickly scurrying to the kitchen to make a momentous and thoroughly romantic cup of tea for your other half.
But ignore unromantic me, if this is your favourite day of the year then these words are for you to help you navigate your way through this day of love. Right, better go make that cup of tea.
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It's been said many a time before - Germans, they like their rules. It might be a stereotype, but after you've been shouted at one too many times for cycling on the pavement or crossing the street when you shouldn't be you realise that there's some basis to the stereotype.